One Mom’s Google Addiction

I hope everyone’s having a delightful Friday afternoon!

Once I got pregnant and honestly way before…basically since the day I could ask the internet questions and get answers I googled EV.ER.Y.THING. But once I got pregnant oh my gosh I googled and googled until my googler was sore. I have asked the internet honestly every question ever since the babies were born, so I thought I’d save any mama some time and give a few of my searches and some of the results I got. I can’t include them all. It’s too many.

This is legitimately from my browser history which I apparently never clear and honestly it explains a lot about how slow my computer is. It’s being waterboarded with google searches. Sorry computer.

  • First, there was about (not even exaggerating) 300 Amazon searches for a wide variety of baby items – most of them Harry Potter themed *not sorry*
  • I also trolled a LOT of other women’s baby registry’s because I knew nothing about baby needs
  • “How did you feel at 30 weeks” “30 weeks pregnant with twins and struggling” “twin pregnant 30 weeks and exhausted” (Like could you tell that I was really loving pregnancy?) “Is it normal to feel extremely tired 30 weeks pregnant twins”
  • “Drooling while sleeping pregnant” …… I don’t have any context for this but clearly it was a thing.
  • So many searches about how to apply for Maternity Leave. It honestly wasn’t even that complicated but according to my search history I STRUGGLED.
  • “Should we get an air conditioner” “Air conditioning Newborn” “Keeping newborn cool in summer” – spoiler alert: we did not get an air conditioner, our babies did not melt. Pretty obvious that I was a million years pregnant in the summer and dying of heat.
  • “Newborn sleep tips” Probably the most absolutely pointless search of all time. If you google this, there are 105 MILLION RESULTS. But I mean if you do search it – definitely do it at 3AM, there’s really no better time to fall down a google rabbit hole.
  • (A lot of Netflix….a lot…like too much…. was I ok??)
  • (More Harry Potter related nursery decor searches….I DIDN’T EVEN BUY ANY OF IT)
  • “Shaving during pregnancy” HAHAHAHAHA ugh.
  • “Things to pack for a hospital birth” Eesh I googled this a lot and truthfully, I brought too many things I never used. Basically, all I legitimately needed was pyjamas, some slippers, a phone charger and like… 8 bags of snacks. I do not recommend bringing only these things if you are not interested in looking like you walked out of a horror movie for the duration of your hospital stay. I could not possibly have cared less, so.
  • “How much help will I need with newborn twins” ……………….. all of it.
  • (Then I streamed every episode of “The Hills” … I hate myself)
  • Oooh man a lot of searches about circumcision which is not a debate I’m about to get myself into. All I’ll say is it’s a personal decision, be informed and lean into your choice & own it.
  • “Why does my baby go crazy in the evening” Oh my gosh. I remember these days so well. So much screaming and crying (mostly by Derek and I).
  • “When does postpartum belly skin go away” …. ooph. 10 months & waiting although it does get better with time!
  • “What age do pacifiers affect teeth” I really thought this was going to be a major issue for us because when the boys were born they were SO dependent on soothers – and then one day they just stopped caring about them and we legitimately never use them anymore. Go figure.
  • *A PAINFUL amount of searches trying desperately to increase my breastmilk supply* None of them worked, breastfeeding journey ended… such is life.
  • “What dishwasher detergent is safe for babies” – Honestly I never really use the dishwasher still now for any of the baby stuff. I just hand wash and deal with it (this method does include a lot of complaining)
  • “Baby development milestones” I wish I had not searched this and I truly recommend not looking too far into these. Your baby will develop at their own pace – as I was told by a much more experienced parent than myself “you will not have an adult child that does not know how to sit up on their own and is always tipping over – they’ll get there eventually”. This also just gives really fun mental image of an adult man that keeps falling over anytime he tries to sit.
  • “Wait what am I doing” – Again, I have zero context for this search but it seems like an appropriate one to end this absurd list on!

That’s literally more than I and probably anyone else can tolerate.

Top 18 #google #memes


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